Do what you love and a short history of my life.

Do you know the saying do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life? Who came up with that bullshit?! What happens if you have multiple personalities and depending on how you wake up in the morning, your always in love with something new? You end up stuck in a rut of empty hopes, squashed dreams, a lot debt, and despair. This has literally been my life since leaving high school. I HATED high school, absolutely the worst experience of my life. Throwing a bunch of hormonal teenagers in closed quarters was another awful idea.

That was until my junior year when I discovered I could leave my school to go to another school and cook food for half of my regular school day. What did I have to lose? Not a damn thing I tell you. It was like a whole new adventure a place where I could reinvent myself and be whoever I wanted to be and everyone would be accepting and love me and life would turn out perfect. Another thing I was wrong about. See you can't really run from who you truly are. You will hunt yourself down, jump on top of yourself, and beat all of the things that deep down hate about yourself back to the surface. Then you will retreat with your tail behind your legs and silently sit in the back of the classroom and handle your shit. Or don't because I still don't know how to do that.

Long story short... I went into this culinary class learned a few things, had a bit of fun then headed to spend a week in the dreaded bakery! I was absolutely against this idea of having to go bake for a whole wee. Like how boring was that going to be? Not boring at all not even a tiny bit. I ended up switching right over into this class and excelling more than I ever would have in a normal school setting. We are going to fast forward to the end of my senior year. I've been spending all this time creating wicked treats and picking up every skill I could manage to before my time here was over. I was on my way to the Baking and Pastry Management class at good old Alfred State College. I did a year and a half there and decided college life is not my thing.

Insert my best friend Stephanie... She joined the Air Force so hey why not go sign up to fly high! I left in October of 2008 dragged my ass through basic training, and tech school and landed right in the arm pit of America... Alamogordo New Mexico. I got married, got threatened, went to Afghanistan, came home, got a divorce, took my separation any way I could get it (even if it wasn't the best way possible) and left that place in the literal dust!

Back in New York this best friend Stephanie who is also now out of the Air Force and I go out make a few... decisions and I can't say they are bad because I got the most beautiful gift ever from them. February and a bomb drops. The woman from the VA is on the line "were you aware you are pregnant?" Uhm no Susan I was not aware and now I have to run away and live in a dungeon for the rest of my life because how can you possibly tell your family what you have done and how will they ever love you again knowing this is the life you have chosen. Mind you I was like 24 so it's not like I was even that young but still... Hey mom dad I'm pregnant and guess what we might not know who the father is. Well instead of living in a dungeon or a cave in t

he mountains I got to getting a job and handling my shit... Just kidding again about that still lost over here.

I landed in a hotel because when you are about to have a baby you kind of should take the first job that comes your way and then you will have a fulfilling and satisfying. How could I not realize this sooner. I didn't even last a year at that place. I guess when you stand up for other employees the management doesn't take too kindly to that. I walk out decide I'm way too pregnant for this shit and go home where I spend about 3 or more years not really working and helping out at home by watching my then adorable nephew, cooking, cleaning all that good stuff.

It's 2014 and I can't really sit still anymore. Life does cost money and when you were flying through cars as fast as I was and in as much debt as I was and still am in... you need a job and fast! MANLIUS LIBRARY!!! This is where I landed for three years! My co-workers were great, the job was great, the patrons had their great moments, I moved up pretty fast. So this must be it! SLAM on those breaks friends. While I loved my job there I had personal setbacks causing me to lose a lot of hours, money, our apartment, and everything else I thought I finally had. I needed a new job! I did a two week internship at a cupcake shop where the people were just not my people. Genuinely mean people, like hey you're a small business how about we be nice because if these people knew what you were saying... THEY WOULDN'T BE BACK! So there went that idea! I also forgot to mention I have my real estate license. That was a great idea too... Make your own schedule, unlimited income potential, work in my undies on the couch, be there for my kid. Well no one told me about the damn near 800 dollar board fees. Bye bye real estate.

Current time now and I have obtained a different job that is stiff, cold, and just really boring. No I am not doing this shit for the next twenty years. I have a kid to watch grow up. I refuse to miss her life to work all of the hours of the day. No one should no matter how much money you are making! Just don't do it okay. I'm out, this is not for me but hey I've always wanted to be a teacher so what do I do? Get my teacher's assistant certification land an interview at that very school where I learned that baking is my passion and absolute natural talent. Dream job? Who know but you will never know if you don't at least try. I'm diving in and wishing for the best and I know my little girl is already proud of her mommy. I love everything. I don't know what I want to do but I'm determined to make the best of it while we figure it out. Aren't you?

This may be the longest post I will ever write or maybe it won't My intentions were not for it to end this way but it did! I have so many more stories to share but I promise to keep it short and sweet. Keep up with me and my crazy by subscribing!